God.

[siamesa]

I'm just trying to get this.

My cousin Luke is in the hospital.  In Washington State. 

This is what I know: he was at the army base he's stationed at there.  He was with another person in a car (the other guy is fine) when military police on a high speed chase (after somebody-not-him) crashed headlong into him.  He got a head injury.  He came out of surgery and is breathing on his own and they've probably already woken him up as I type this and everything points to him being fine.

It's not like I wasn't...  Look, I was at church, after church, and I'm asking my mom why daddy was so grumpy, and she asks me if he's told me about Cousin Luke. 

And I was scared.  I'm still scared.  I can't imagine how my aunt and uncle and younger cousins feel.  My uncle was with the National Guard and my aunt was home alone with no way to contact him other than the number of a superior officer who wasn't there to pick up the phone.  God.  I'm just...  I've been praying, and mostly trying to wrap my mind around this, because this is what gets to me.  He's in the army, with the Rangers.  He's been to Afghanistan twice.  And he comes home for a while (I think he was scheduled to ship out one more time) and is hanging out, and gets in a car crash.  It was a family joke that he got into car crashes every time he got into a car.  And this isn't-  I've spent ever since I heard he wanted to be in the army worrying about him, and, again, I can only multiply that times infinity and try to IMAGINE how my aunt uncle cousins feel- but he was at home (or at least in Washington).  As in, not in Afghanistan.  Elizabeth turns off the Worry For Luke function in the back of her mind.

And now he's in a hospital in Washington, and hopefully they've woken him up.

He used to take me on rides on the four wheeler when I was little.  Neither of us wore helmets, he was about ten if not younger, it was insanely dangerous and he drove like a maniac with me cheering him on.

I don't even- God, I can't even clearly remember when the last time I saw him was.  I didn't go to his graduation from Ranger school a few months back, because I was scared of the drive to Georgia and staying in a hotel room with relatives I barely knew.  And I'm trying to dredge up guilt, because guilt is a feeling I can deal with, but all I can feel is scared, even though Mom says all signs point to him being fine, and...

I wish they'd told me before church, but before church they had no real clue about his condition, so I sort of am glad they didn't, but I need church right now.

I can't think of a way to end this other than God Bless, so...

God Bless.

Comments

[albumsontheside.livejournal.com]

*holds you*