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Some are serious, some aren't.  Be forwarned that I have taken my nighttime meds and am perhaps not entirely in sound mind.

Writing!  Writing writing writing so much fun.  I have a Star Wars short thing almost done.  Do not actually know where I will post it as I have completly forgotten all my FF.net details, and also if I log in I will feel compelled to fix all the brokeness in Crashing In Time's formatting and I'm not sure I can do that.

I have come to the conclusion that the reason I adore Billy Kaplan is that he is essentially Luke Skywalker.

Please take the above conclusion with several grains of salt.

I have come to the less pleasant conclusion that Something Needs To Be Done about our justice system, and also that there's very little effect I, personally, can have on that situation.  This leads into various depressing thoughts about whether I can actually do anything with my life what with my inability to engage in meaningful social interaction without panic attack. Is my current goal really archaeology?  Is that feasible?  Can I do that, even, be a grad student and do the grunt work and travel to various locations and probably have to use public restrooms?  And even if I can, is it kind of selfish?

Also it is my twenty-five-billionth career goal this year alone, so, you know.

I like drawing almost as much as writing.  I am making interpretations of all the Guild Wars armors and when I get Flash for Christmas I will make dress up games.  I have been reading tutorials.

Didn't I write this long drawn out comparison between the Skywalker, Bat, Maximoff-etc, and Fire Nation Royal families?  I should find and post that sometime.

Someone a few rooms over is watching movies. 

And I should probably go to bed.

Tidbits

Jun. 18th, 2010 04:51 pm
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A few random thoughts:

Tomorrow I leave for Europe.  Very, very nervous-making, but I am looking forward to this trip.  I am.

Arizona: I understand that you are trying to beat out South Carolina as the Crazy State.  You aren't going to succeed.  You're merely starting to try to pass unconstitutional laws on citizenship.  SC started the Civil War.

Speaking of SC, last week a guy in the town my grandmother is from saw Bigfoot and claimed it had "beautiful fur."  Arizona: behind and falling.

My cousin in Florida is getting two horses.  I am happy for her.  I am not bitter and jealous.  Really.

Well, I am happy for her.

Speaking of cousins, continue to face the difficulty that me and more than a few of my relatives have really, really different political views, including some of the ones I feel strongly about.  This can be kind of difficult to deal with at times.

Speaking of relatives, my grandparents are taking care of the dog and taking her to their house while we're gone.  I expect to return and find a much heavier Boston Terrier than we left.

That's all for now, I think.


Angry

Jun. 8th, 2010 03:41 pm
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I'm angry today, and I really shouldn't be.  I just finished school!  Salute and bow down before me!  Two days to spare!

...But I'm still angry.

Mostly, it's that Windows is being fail and not letting me install Mass Effect 2, or at least that's the surface grumpy anger.  The growing angry rants are beneath my skin as usual but-

Meepits.  This post is about to turn philosophical and religious, and I apologize for two Lou's Views on Life type posts in a row, but I'm just angry and sad and I don't get this.

My Lord sat down with prostitutes and tax collectors.  My Lord said "judge not, lest you yourself be judged."  My Lord told stories about the hated Samaritans and about the poor and the oppressed.  My Lord is the Lord of Love.

So why do people use Him to spread hate?

I'm just...  I'm just, looking at it all, I'm just angry and confused, and I try to balance being religious, and the marked effects that has on my personal philosophy and how I look at problems, with the fact that I'm on the internet, where most people think I'm going to start screeching at them if I mention I'm religious, because most openly religious people on the internet, it seems, DO start screeching at people as though they are in fact screech owls, and it makes me angry.

But I'm not supposed to be angry, either.  I'm supposed to love.

...Life is not making sense.  I want to play Mass Effect now.
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I was never one of those people who liked villains.  I was much more interested in Cinderella than the stepmother, Snow White than the Queen, heck, even Aurora than Maleficent, and /nobody/, I have learned, prefers Aurora to Maleficent.  Actually, I think for a while there I actively disliked her.  It's probably because, at a point in the middle of the movie, she refers to herself as "the Mistress of All Evil," and that made me blink even when I was little.  Surely even evil people thought that they were good, right? 

Basically, even when they're awesome, completely one dimensional villains never quite did it for me.  I enjoyed watching them, but no more than any other character.  I celebrated when they were defeated. 

And then came Zuko.

Ah, Zuko.  But even with him, I rooted for him to become good.  I didn't just enjoy watching him be evil.  The same went for Vader, who was the first villain whose mind I really tried to get inside.  It was mostly because of Luke, I think.  Because, at the end of RotJ for the first time, I did not think that Vader was going to save Luke.  I thought that maybe Luke would survive, but I just kind of winced when Luke went "father..." in that rasping voice, because I knew that there was no way Vader was going to save him, and it made me want to cry. 

So, I liked Vader, but, again, I wanted to see him redeemed.  That was the point of the character.  RotS made me actually cry, but RotJ is the one that makes me squinch my eyes up to this day.

And then came comics.

I read DC for the heroes, but when I do read Marvel, it's for the villains.  And not just Deadpool, either.  But the thing about Marvel?  I kind of want Magneto, especially, to win when I read it.  It's the combination of a too horrific and tied into the real world to make light of it backstory and the fact that any population that willingly puts the Green Goblin in a position of power kind of can die and I won't really care.  And, of course, the old XMen cartoon...  most of the heroes get on my nerves from time to time and the civilians actively annoy me.  I tend to root for the guy with the decent voice actor.  I'm sorry.  It's how I roll.  I'd like Wolverine if he used his claws to do anything but reflect light.  I'd like Storm if she never talked.  I'd-  sweet meepits, this is getting off topic. 

Anyway.  DC wise, like I said, I root for the heroes.  But I also really enjoy watching the villains.  And that hit me today with a few panels of Sinestro.

I don't want him to win.  I want the Green Lanterns to win, and espicially Guy Gardner.  But Sinestro lately can sit in a cell awaiting execution, and smirk at Hal Jordan and say "I've won," and the thing is you believe him.  He has absolutely nothing, and I can still totally buy that he has the upper hand.

Also Hal's "confused and upset and VERY confused" face is adorable.  *pats him*

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Two posts in a day?  Why in heaven's name is this?

Well, I shall tell you.  This is the culmination of a rant that's been freaking building up in me for QUITE SOME TIME, and that is quite simply the fact that a lot of the time in comics I feel a little bit on the outside looking in.

Not in the fandom.  The fandom has been nothing less than welcoming, and funfunFUN, and hilarious.  And I haven't experienced any of the horror stories, where everyone in the comic store reacts in shock when a GIRL walks in.  Generally I'm one of several girls in there, in fact, often including one behind the cash register.

It's just... the books.  It's the fact that nine times out of ten, it seems, female characters are slotted into "love interest."  It's that I can count on one hand the number of prominent, female Green Lanterns in normal costumes like the boys wear as opposed to bikinis and tiny leotards.  It's going to the library, picking up a book, and seeing that on the back cover, freaking Birds of Prey is advertised as containing the "sexiest superheroines in the DCU."  Not "badass," which is true.  Not "well written," which was even truer.  Looking at the back of that book, I didn't get the feeling I was supposed to think "Woah, Black Canary is an awesome person," I got the feeling that I was expected to think "Look, fishnets!"

It's not the big things, really, not nowadays.  There are a lot of seriously awesome, kickass women in comics.  Lois Lane has gone from falling out of windows and plotting to get Superman to marry her by any means possible to a severely awesome reporter who is, by the way, currently married to Clark Kent/Supes, andgoshdangitI'mthisclosetohavinganotherOTP.  Wonder Woman is badass even if she does fight evil in a bathing suit.  Soranik Natu is probably my favorite character in GLC, eclipsing even Guy Gardner.

But, still.  Look!  Boob window!  Look, fishnets!  It's not the costumes themselves (okay, fine, a lot of it is), it's the attitude.  It's wanting to read a freaking STORY, not be presented with butt shots every two panels.

I love comics.  I'm just beginning to be concerned that they don't love me.
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I think I have figured this out. And, additionally, why Mary Sues bug me so much. I'm fairly sure you're supposed to hit a point in fandom where you just ignore Mary Sues, but I cannot do it.

Why?

Because I like characters who are essentially large sacks of flaws.

This is why I love them. This is what makes them interesting. I can be screaming "No, you idiot, he's the only person who actually cares about you and you're just throwing him away like he's nothing!" or "You do realize that that kid has based his entire life around trying to be you and you essentially just threw all of that in the dirt?" or "Holy crabcakes, don't you think you should maybe mention a few details about YOUR FATHER IS EVIL?" and I still want to read more.

I love Yoda, in all his absolute inablity to get the POINT, and Batman, and his inability to function in a working relationship, and Toph and her ridiculously stubborn pride. My favorite Green Lantern is Guy Gardner, for heaven's sake.

That's not saying I want a character to have nothing but flaws. I'm just saying that I like them realistic, and a little tragic, and most of all forgiven.
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My introduction to shippers were the great Zutara/Kataang wars of Avatar. I was a concientous objector, staying well out of the fighting and growing more and more alarmed. "Shipper" was not exactly a positive term. They were the immature people who didn't really even seem to enjoy the show. This didn't apply to all or even most of them- but it certainly seemed to apply to the loudest ones, and it scared me.

I settled my fear of shipping with my unkillable hopeless romantic side by joking that I only shipped things settled a decade before I was born- Han/Leia, obviously. That was it.

Well, maybe Han/Leia and Tokka. And CatBat, but only in fanfic. And maybesortoffinealot Boostle.

The slippery slope is a dangerous place.

...My first thought upon watching Green Lantern: First Flight? Besides the awesome, besides the great final fight scene, besides the serious skill that went into the voice acting, no, my first thought was basically... "Didn't I see a Hal/Sinestro fic yesterday? I wonder where that was."

My brain immediately curdled into itself in utter horror, and not just at the frankly terrifying thoughts of those panels in Corps War where Sinestro was not, in fact, wearing anything. (I do not remember my nightmares, but I am confident that that sight plays in them prominently). No, my brain curdled into itself because MY SWEET HOLY MEEPITS, ELIZABETH, YOU'RE BECOMING A SHIPPER. Also EW EW EW, because yeah. Sinestro. Awesome villain. Not attractive.

Bad mental images. Bad.

Anyway, the point of this post before it descending into the scarier parts of my brain was that please make the images stop now I think maybe I have been spending too much time in fandom.

I now go to cleanse my brain.

By spending more time in fandom. It introduced me to brain bleach, the product. I cannot abandon it.
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This week I have been doing two things. I have been volunteering to read to children, which shall be covered in tomorrow's post, and I have been lurking.

I like lurking.

The various groups I exist on the fringes of have been posting fic, drawing parody pics of zombies (okay, I had to break out of lurk-dom for that one), and having lots of fun times being whatever they are.

For instance, I often visit a dress up dolls site. This site is pretty much home to what you think of when you think of the stereotypical preteen girl today. Comments below each game are filled with "IF U LUV THE JONAS BROTHERS VOT 4 ME" and "COPY PASTE THIS 2 4 GAMES AND YOULL GET 10000000000 POINTS IT REALLY WORKS!!!!!"

Despite this, they are in many ways a fascinating internet community. Over the months I have observed them, the chain messages have dropped in frequency, to be replaced with stern, exclamation point coated warnings from those who will not be duped. And I've already discussed the fact that I actually really love that everyone's a Twilight fan, because hey, maybe they aren't the best books, but they're BOOKS.

Today the site put up a game entitled "Vinyl Lingerie," and the posters have gone wild. Many at first accused the game of being inappropriate and skanky, arguing that this was a site for kids. (In the interest of fairness, I must point out that I solidly agree). Others rapidly went through "Kids don't care" "kids don't know what lingerie is," and "I wish real nurses looked like that." My personal favorite comment was an accusation that all who critized the game were merely jealous that they did not look like the cartoon model. /heavysarcasm.

Soon I expect they will be breaking Godwin's Law.

Ah, Internet.

Your future is secure. Soon, they will be the condescending nerds who attempt to get philosophy out of a dress up site, and others will fill their current roles. Me? I'll be the old person in the corner with a stick. But I'll be smiling.
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It has occured to me (bringing alarm) that I haven't been to church in a month.  This is hardly my fault, of course- we were in the mountains, or Atlanta, and we did got to church at the beach a few weeks back- but I still feel bad.  On the plus side, I am leaving for church today in a few hours provided my sister isn't radically ill, so that's good.  I've missed it.

I like my church.  I'm Presbyterian, which can basically be summed up as "Will YOU be on the nominating committee to nominate those who will nominate those to be among the saved?"

(Man, i have been waiting for months to use that joke...  And of course it sucks.)

The only problem with my church, really, is that they cannot sing gospel to save their lives.  They sing it like they're singing in Latin, and I feel the need to stand up and scream "GOSPEL DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY," but of course I don't.  The choir directors are very nice people.  But gospel... That, I think, is what church is to me: gospel music and stained glass windows.  Those are the things that make me feel close to God (well, them and the Appalachians).  Our church has nice stained glass windows, but it really needs help with the gospel.
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Before we headed up to the mountains to paint last weekend, I got to stop by the comic book store and spend Every Bit of Money I Posessed on my fun expensive new hobby, netting exactly one trade hardback: Justice League International Volume I, featuring the combined talents of Boostle.  Also some other people, all of whom I like very, very much as characters under normal circumstances, but Boostle is my new pet ship and it is eating my brain.

Cute Comic Store Guy, who first earned my undying loyalty when he allowed me to use the employees only phone a few months ago, informed me that it was an excellent choice, and I felt that my nerditude was confirmed. 

Also my writers block SW fic wise is starting to dissipate, which is always good, except that it is currently bombarding me with plans for Epic!fic and that is not precisely in my time schedule.  Wait a month, plot bunnies.  Then it shall be summer and there shall no longer be school.  And, of course, after last summer of Infinite Breakdowns, there really isn't going to be much else either, just a few family vacations and a drama camp that does not require me to leave home for more than a few hours.

In other news, my cat attempted to bring us a live mouse, but his mission was thankfully derailed when mom spotted it and refused to let him inside.
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For starters, I need to get back to the comic book store.  I've got probably the best one in Charlotte just a couple blocks away from me- why in heaven's name am I not there 24/7 if I'm seriously considering a permanent third fandom?  Plus they've got lots of Booster Gold.  The library does not have Booster Gold.

And they're maybe thirty feet away from the Excellent Video Rental Place, VisArt, which has an entire shelf for MST3K and people who always chat with me and have interesting hair.  Matter of fact, I want to work there if I have to get a summer job at some point, or if I really do take the year off before college.

There's just one problem.

The Intersection of Doom.

Now, streets here in Charlotte, North Carolina do not follow normal rules.  They frequently change names for no reason, come together at incredibly odd angles, and no one seems to quite understand the concept of "turn signal".  (But at least we pull off of the road for funeral processions!  For the most part!  Damn Yankees!)

But yeah.  This particular interesection- I'm not even completely sure how many streets combine.  Either two or three, meaning that there are five different ways to cross.  All of the streets appear to have driving laws from completely different galaxies, and you can easily wait ten minutes before being able to cross.  Not that the drivers exactly respect the right of the pedestrian to cross.

It was both faster and, I though, safer, to jaywalk.

And so I did.

I spent most of summer vacation jaywalking over to VisArt and renting DVDs of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Futurama, and one glorious afternoon, the original Star Wars: Clone Wars.

I continued this through most of fall.

One day, it was November.  Five o'clock.  Rush hour.  A bunch of cars were stopped at the light, and I knew I'd never get across if I waited.  I'd done this before, no problem.  I dashed between two of the cars and high tailed it towards-

Whump.

I still have no clear idea what happened other than flying through the air, swearing, running to the sidewalk, and immediately being surrounded by concerned passers by.  Someone called an ambulance.  I insisted that I was not hurt, all that happened was I'd been hit by a car, I was fine. 

I started my call to Mom on a stranger's cell phone with those words.  "I'm fine." 

Neither she nor anyone else believed me.

I ended up in the Trauma wing of the hospital with my very own set of crutches, which turned out to be very useful once the adrenaline wore off.  I also got an IV, whch was... interesting.

My leg wasn' t broken.  My head was (relatively) fine.  I got to go home that evening, which was very nice.

But jaywalking was no longer on my agenda.

Leaving it just me, and the Intersection of Doom. 

It's worse now.  I've learned that I can be hit by a car, and I highly doubt I get two almost completely unhurt miracles within a year of each other.  Whenever I catch sight of a vehicle out of the corner of my eye, seeming like it's coming at me, I jump.  And that happens a lot on the Intersection of Doom, because the stoplights there are really just suggestions.

But my cousin said the people at VisArt were asking about me, and they have that one rare MST3K episode with Godzilla that I still haven't seen yet.

So sooner or later I will brave that intersection.

Probably in a car.

Which scares me more.

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