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So, anyway, I've been surfing around all the various nerd sites, and I found out recently there's gonna be an X-men create-a-character RPG, also known as the only type of video game I play that isn't Sims.  As you can imagine, this created some excitement.  One of the reasons:

This is potentially a video game I will take the dark side path on!

This is very exciting.  I am pretty much physically incable of taking the bad-guy route in RPGs.  My Revan in KotOR started out as a brusque sort of chaotic neutral in the planning stages, but by the end of the game was so light side she literally had a giant halo-thing.  Even my blood mage in Dragon Age is kind and helpful.

But this?  Will I get to fight teammates?  Will one of them be Scott Summers?  He was in the trailer.  How painfully can I kill him?  Or will it be old-charaterization Scott, so I won't want to?  Either way I win.  Can I join the Brotherhood?  Can I please please please?  Oh, this is so exciting.

I have no idea when it will be out.  I assume I will be in college.

Also, note: I've heard great things about Batman: Arkham Asylum/City, but why so few DC games otherwise?  I want a Green Lantern RPG next.  I will make a Milagro Reyes and then I will kick Sinestro's butt.


Jun. 8th, 2010 03:41 pm
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I'm angry today, and I really shouldn't be.  I just finished school!  Salute and bow down before me!  Two days to spare!

...But I'm still angry.

Mostly, it's that Windows is being fail and not letting me install Mass Effect 2, or at least that's the surface grumpy anger.  The growing angry rants are beneath my skin as usual but-

Meepits.  This post is about to turn philosophical and religious, and I apologize for two Lou's Views on Life type posts in a row, but I'm just angry and sad and I don't get this.

My Lord sat down with prostitutes and tax collectors.  My Lord said "judge not, lest you yourself be judged."  My Lord told stories about the hated Samaritans and about the poor and the oppressed.  My Lord is the Lord of Love.

So why do people use Him to spread hate?

I'm just...  I'm just, looking at it all, I'm just angry and confused, and I try to balance being religious, and the marked effects that has on my personal philosophy and how I look at problems, with the fact that I'm on the internet, where most people think I'm going to start screeching at them if I mention I'm religious, because most openly religious people on the internet, it seems, DO start screeching at people as though they are in fact screech owls, and it makes me angry.

But I'm not supposed to be angry, either.  I'm supposed to love.

...Life is not making sense.  I want to play Mass Effect now.
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I'm really, genuinely angry.  I mean, really, genuinely angry.  And - I cannot believe I'm saying this in a public post- I'm actually also angry at my dad.  Legitimately and morally.  I don't think that's something I'm supposed to admit, particuarly about something I doubt he remembers saying. 

But, screw it.  I'm mad.

Still mad.  The operative dang word is still mad.

Everybody on the internet went through the brouhaha over the Avatar- sorry, "Last Airbender," thank you, J Cameron - casting.  I was angry then, but it coalesced into a sort of seething rage that's only recently broiled up to the surface.

Race is a touchy subject, and it's a damned touchy subject around here.  Polite people polite company just don't bring it up.  We really, really don't want to remember that two generations ago my best friend and I couldn't have hung out together in public- not that we'd have ever met.  People really want to have a sense of "oh, that's over and done with."  About the only place it's mentioned is the opinion portion of the local newspaper, and while that would seem big, the opinion page of the local newspaper is generally devoted to arguing whether said newspaper is a puppet of the conservative warmongering fascits, or of the America-destroying liberal communists.  Godwin's Law gets broken like the place is an internet forum.

But I digress.

I'm mad about theAvatar casting.  I'm mad that only the villains and possibly one sacrificial love interest are Asian.  I'm mad that Sokka and Katara lost about twelve skin tones.  I was never naiive enough to think they wouldn't cast Aang white, but EVERYBODY just makes me want to splat things even after all this time.  And you know what else still bites me, after months?  The assumption made by the man who taught me that all people are created equal that white audiences are going to relate more to white characters.  "Who's going to be watching and paying for the thing?"  indeed.  The Asian style didn't stop me from falling in love with the show.  It didn't stop anyone from falling in love with the show. 

And then there's that argument I keep seeing, "Would you complain if they cast Harry Potter (or some random chara, doesn't matter) black?"  Guess what?  They didn't.

That's not damn relevant, because they didn't.

And I- you know what, LJ?  I feel personally insulted that someone thinks I need people of my own skin tone to relate to.  Frak that.  Society wants to move on, you know.  And I give this message both to the the Move I Won't Be Seeing, and, unrelatedly enough, to the man in charge of the Company Whose Comics I Don't Buy: When you let people move on, they will.  And when you don't, they won't.

Nothing about this fiasco, or about the promo pics, or about the reviews or the fandom has convinced ME to move on.

I'll tell you that, right now.
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Two posts in a day?  Why in heaven's name is this?

Well, I shall tell you.  This is the culmination of a rant that's been freaking building up in me for QUITE SOME TIME, and that is quite simply the fact that a lot of the time in comics I feel a little bit on the outside looking in.

Not in the fandom.  The fandom has been nothing less than welcoming, and funfunFUN, and hilarious.  And I haven't experienced any of the horror stories, where everyone in the comic store reacts in shock when a GIRL walks in.  Generally I'm one of several girls in there, in fact, often including one behind the cash register.

It's just... the books.  It's the fact that nine times out of ten, it seems, female characters are slotted into "love interest."  It's that I can count on one hand the number of prominent, female Green Lanterns in normal costumes like the boys wear as opposed to bikinis and tiny leotards.  It's going to the library, picking up a book, and seeing that on the back cover, freaking Birds of Prey is advertised as containing the "sexiest superheroines in the DCU."  Not "badass," which is true.  Not "well written," which was even truer.  Looking at the back of that book, I didn't get the feeling I was supposed to think "Woah, Black Canary is an awesome person," I got the feeling that I was expected to think "Look, fishnets!"

It's not the big things, really, not nowadays.  There are a lot of seriously awesome, kickass women in comics.  Lois Lane has gone from falling out of windows and plotting to get Superman to marry her by any means possible to a severely awesome reporter who is, by the way, currently married to Clark Kent/Supes, andgoshdangitI'mthisclosetohavinganotherOTP.  Wonder Woman is badass even if she does fight evil in a bathing suit.  Soranik Natu is probably my favorite character in GLC, eclipsing even Guy Gardner.

But, still.  Look!  Boob window!  Look, fishnets!  It's not the costumes themselves (okay, fine, a lot of it is), it's the attitude.  It's wanting to read a freaking STORY, not be presented with butt shots every two panels.

I love comics.  I'm just beginning to be concerned that they don't love me.
siamesa: (Default)
I think I have figured this out. And, additionally, why Mary Sues bug me so much. I'm fairly sure you're supposed to hit a point in fandom where you just ignore Mary Sues, but I cannot do it.


Because I like characters who are essentially large sacks of flaws.

This is why I love them. This is what makes them interesting. I can be screaming "No, you idiot, he's the only person who actually cares about you and you're just throwing him away like he's nothing!" or "You do realize that that kid has based his entire life around trying to be you and you essentially just threw all of that in the dirt?" or "Holy crabcakes, don't you think you should maybe mention a few details about YOUR FATHER IS EVIL?" and I still want to read more.

I love Yoda, in all his absolute inablity to get the POINT, and Batman, and his inability to function in a working relationship, and Toph and her ridiculously stubborn pride. My favorite Green Lantern is Guy Gardner, for heaven's sake.

That's not saying I want a character to have nothing but flaws. I'm just saying that I like them realistic, and a little tragic, and most of all forgiven.
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This week I have been doing two things. I have been volunteering to read to children, which shall be covered in tomorrow's post, and I have been lurking.

I like lurking.

The various groups I exist on the fringes of have been posting fic, drawing parody pics of zombies (okay, I had to break out of lurk-dom for that one), and having lots of fun times being whatever they are.

For instance, I often visit a dress up dolls site. This site is pretty much home to what you think of when you think of the stereotypical preteen girl today. Comments below each game are filled with "IF U LUV THE JONAS BROTHERS VOT 4 ME" and "COPY PASTE THIS 2 4 GAMES AND YOULL GET 10000000000 POINTS IT REALLY WORKS!!!!!"

Despite this, they are in many ways a fascinating internet community. Over the months I have observed them, the chain messages have dropped in frequency, to be replaced with stern, exclamation point coated warnings from those who will not be duped. And I've already discussed the fact that I actually really love that everyone's a Twilight fan, because hey, maybe they aren't the best books, but they're BOOKS.

Today the site put up a game entitled "Vinyl Lingerie," and the posters have gone wild. Many at first accused the game of being inappropriate and skanky, arguing that this was a site for kids. (In the interest of fairness, I must point out that I solidly agree). Others rapidly went through "Kids don't care" "kids don't know what lingerie is," and "I wish real nurses looked like that." My personal favorite comment was an accusation that all who critized the game were merely jealous that they did not look like the cartoon model. /heavysarcasm.

Soon I expect they will be breaking Godwin's Law.

Ah, Internet.

Your future is secure. Soon, they will be the condescending nerds who attempt to get philosophy out of a dress up site, and others will fill their current roles. Me? I'll be the old person in the corner with a stick. But I'll be smiling.
siamesa: (Default)

No, seriously.

I understand completely that the books kind of suck.  They do.  Edward is NOT a romantic figure, Bella is a hideous role model, and while there are parts of them that are excellent, most of it's kind of drawn down into a sea of mediocrety ruined by the aforementioned problem of the lead couple.

<s>Also they make me warm and fuzzy inside.</s>

But whenever I see distinct hate, not for the books but for the phenomenon, for the very idea that someone could like the books- I feel a little leery about joining in.


Let's go back to Portal To Conformity High School, NC.  A science classroom, home of the teacher who not only has at home a python named Padme, but who brought his bearded dragon to class.  Home of the fish I am in charge of feeding, who I am as afraid to get attached to as everything else because they keep dying just after I name them.  But they recognize me now, and swim to the top of the tank for food.

I sit at my desk.  I share it with someone whose name I can never remember.  Across from me are a few pretty, popular, fashionable girls who have it all together but who I can't really hate because they're nice people in spite of the the fatal flaw of being everything I've given up on. 

One of them is reading New Moon, or maybe Eclipse.  "This is SO good," she says. 

I agree.

So does every other girl within earshot.  The girl reading and her friend smile at me.  "Aren't they GREAT?"

"I LOVE them," I say, because at that point I do.

"I mean," she says, "I haven't enjoyed a book since I was like, two, and I CANNOT put these down."

So there you have it.  I can't hate anything that does that.  I care too passionately about literacy.

That being said, if any of y'all out there want a GOOD vampire story- no boarding schools, no sparkling, and a heroine who's actually flawed and relatable, I recommend Robin McKinley's Sunshine.  I can barely look at vampires anymore since they've taken over everything (House of Night, you I can actively dislike), but I still love this novel.  It influenced a lot of my loves in writing- dystopias, fantasy, even the little characters being interesting- and yeah.  READ IT.
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Let me first off state that I am typically fine with depictions of violence.  However, something today got me thinking- how fine?  What are my limits?

I can look at what the cat drags in without wincing, although the blood of someone I know tends to make me feel rather ill.  But that's real life.  I'm pretty aware of my status on violence in real life: I avoid it whenever possible.  I don't write it, because I suck at it.  I don't mind reading it, though I certainly don't seek it out.  Movies are another story, but action movies make me wince for all kinds of reasons.  Gore's just one of them.

And in comics?  I actually feel that not shying away from violence can in many cases add to the story.  It can indicate defeat, weakness, victory, defiance- when used well, gore can actually be a well done part of the story.

However?  I do not need to see a closeup of the face of a character I really, really like, giving a full color view of his expression while being shot point blank in the head.  Particularly when this is a flashback among flashbacks and serves pretty much NO PURPOSE.

siamesa: (Default)

Note:  I keep coughing while writing, and as a result I cannot spell today.  Please forgive me- I will try to catch my errors.

I have a deep, dark secret.  And it is this:  there is a large part of my brain that is not satisfied being the school outcast/nerd.  There is a large part of my brain that still wants to wear Hollister and Hot Topic, have a large group of friends who I can laugh with, date a hot football player- be accepted.

I became a nerd as a last resort.

And, now, honestly, I love it.  I've found the freedom in not caring what people think about me, of reading Star Wars tie in novels while everyone else talks Gossip Girl, of being able to do whatever I want because I no longer have a reputation to damage.

And so, I generally manage to convince myself that I don't need the acceptance of others.

But then things like today happen.  I was surfing way back in the ffrants archive, and discovered someone saying that a series of fics I like were too fluffy.

And I immediate began to be filled with worry.

Was I no longer a true fan if I liked those stories?  Was i not cynical enough?  Was I not sitting with the cool kids?

Now, admittedly, overdramatic fluff in fics tends to bug me as does little else besides Vader turning into Hayden Christiansen for no reason, authors who put on their profile that they don't accept criticism, or a purple haired lovebender seducing Zuko, preobably because I'm somewhat guilty of it at times myself.  But I didn't find the fics in question too fluffy.  There was fluff, yeah, but there was a lot of character developement leading up to that fluff to get the characters where they'd be realistic.

Or what about Twilight?  Do I only hate it because the cool kids do?  Is that worse than only liking it because the cool kids do?  (No, I hate it because IT WILL NOT LET ME HATE IT and Renesmee and Jacob as a ship has so many problems that I want to throw things.)   

Basically, am I now as focused on being a cynical internet nerd as much as I once was on being popular? 

So, well...

Twilight makes me feel bubbly against my will.
I listen to angsty teenage music in all seriousness.
I liked the prequel trilogy.
Also Mara Jade.
I write Mary Sues.  I don't share 'em, but I still write 'em.

(I swear, being sick has left me with nothing to write about than what I think.  Hopefully this will be better soon.)


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