Life, Books, Cats

I'm really, genuinely angry.  I mean, really, genuinely angry.  And - I cannot believe I'm saying this in a public post- I'm actually also angry at my dad.  Legitimately and morally.  I don't think that's something I'm supposed to admit, particuarly about something I doubt he remembers saying. 

But, screw it.  I'm mad.

Still mad.  The operative dang word is still mad.

Everybody on the internet went through the brouhaha over the Avatar- sorry, "Last Airbender," thank you, J Cameron - casting.  I was angry then, but it coalesced into a sort of seething rage that's only recently broiled up to the surface.

Race is a touchy subject, and it's a damned touchy subject around here.  Polite people polite company just don't bring it up.  We really, really don't want to remember that two generations ago my best friend and I couldn't have hung out together in public- not that we'd have ever met.  People really want to have a sense of "oh, that's over and done with."  About the only place it's mentioned is the opinion portion of the local newspaper, and while that would seem big, the opinion page of the local newspaper is generally devoted to arguing whether said newspaper is a puppet of the conservative warmongering fascits, or of the America-destroying liberal communists.  Godwin's Law gets broken like the place is an internet forum.

But I digress.

I'm mad about theAvatar casting.  I'm mad that only the villains and possibly one sacrificial love interest are Asian.  I'm mad that Sokka and Katara lost about twelve skin tones.  I was never naiive enough to think they wouldn't cast Aang white, but EVERYBODY just makes me want to splat things even after all this time.  And you know what else still bites me, after months?  The assumption made by the man who taught me that all people are created equal that white audiences are going to relate more to white characters.  "Who's going to be watching and paying for the thing?"  indeed.  The Asian style didn't stop me from falling in love with the show.  It didn't stop anyone from falling in love with the show. 

And then there's that argument I keep seeing, "Would you complain if they cast Harry Potter (or some random chara, doesn't matter) black?"  Guess what?  They didn't.

That's not damn relevant, because they didn't.

And I- you know what, LJ?  I feel personally insulted that someone thinks I need people of my own skin tone to relate to.  Frak that.  Society wants to move on, you know.  And I give this message both to the the Move I Won't Be Seeing, and, unrelatedly enough, to the man in charge of the Company Whose Comics I Don't Buy: When you let people move on, they will.  And when you don't, they won't.

Nothing about this fiasco, or about the promo pics, or about the reviews or the fandom has convinced ME to move on.

I'll tell you that, right now.

I think I have figured this out. And, additionally, why Mary Sues bug me so much. I'm fairly sure you're supposed to hit a point in fandom where you just ignore Mary Sues, but I cannot do it.

Why?

Because I like characters who are essentially large sacks of flaws.

This is why I love them. This is what makes them interesting. I can be screaming "No, you idiot, he's the only person who actually cares about you and you're just throwing him away like he's nothing!" or "You do realize that that kid has based his entire life around trying to be you and you essentially just threw all of that in the dirt?" or "Holy crabcakes, don't you think you should maybe mention a few details about YOUR FATHER IS EVIL?" and I still want to read more.

I love Yoda, in all his absolute inablity to get the POINT, and Batman, and his inability to function in a working relationship, and Toph and her ridiculously stubborn pride. My favorite Green Lantern is Guy Gardner, for heaven's sake.

That's not saying I want a character to have nothing but flaws. I'm just saying that I like them realistic, and a little tragic, and most of all forgiven.

No, seriously.

I understand completely that the books kind of suck.  They do.  Edward is NOT a romantic figure, Bella is a hideous role model, and while there are parts of them that are excellent, most of it's kind of drawn down into a sea of mediocrety ruined by the aforementioned problem of the lead couple.

<s>Also they make me warm and fuzzy inside.</s>

But whenever I see distinct hate, not for the books but for the phenomenon, for the very idea that someone could like the books- I feel a little leery about joining in.

Why?

Let's go back to Portal To Conformity High School, NC.  A science classroom, home of the teacher who not only has at home a python named Padme, but who brought his bearded dragon to class.  Home of the fish I am in charge of feeding, who I am as afraid to get attached to as everything else because they keep dying just after I name them.  But they recognize me now, and swim to the top of the tank for food.

I sit at my desk.  I share it with someone whose name I can never remember.  Across from me are a few pretty, popular, fashionable girls who have it all together but who I can't really hate because they're nice people in spite of the the fatal flaw of being everything I've given up on. 

One of them is reading New Moon, or maybe Eclipse.  "This is SO good," she says. 

I agree.

So does every other girl within earshot.  The girl reading and her friend smile at me.  "Aren't they GREAT?"

"I LOVE them," I say, because at that point I do.

"I mean," she says, "I haven't enjoyed a book since I was like, two, and I CANNOT put these down."

So there you have it.  I can't hate anything that does that.  I care too passionately about literacy.

That being said, if any of y'all out there want a GOOD vampire story- no boarding schools, no sparkling, and a heroine who's actually flawed and relatable, I recommend Robin McKinley's Sunshine.  I can barely look at vampires anymore since they've taken over everything (House of Night, you I can actively dislike), but I still love this novel.  It influenced a lot of my loves in writing- dystopias, fantasy, even the little characters being interesting- and yeah.  READ IT.

Note:  I keep coughing while writing, and as a result I cannot spell today.  Please forgive me- I will try to catch my errors.

I have a deep, dark secret.  And it is this:  there is a large part of my brain that is not satisfied being the school outcast/nerd.  There is a large part of my brain that still wants to wear Hollister and Hot Topic, have a large group of friends who I can laugh with, date a hot football player- be accepted.

I became a nerd as a last resort.

And, now, honestly, I love it.  I've found the freedom in not caring what people think about me, of reading Star Wars tie in novels while everyone else talks Gossip Girl, of being able to do whatever I want because I no longer have a reputation to damage.

And so, I generally manage to convince myself that I don't need the acceptance of others.

But then things like today happen.  I was surfing way back in the ffrants archive, and discovered someone saying that a series of fics I like were too fluffy.

And I immediate began to be filled with worry.

Was I no longer a true fan if I liked those stories?  Was i not cynical enough?  Was I not sitting with the cool kids?

Now, admittedly, overdramatic fluff in fics tends to bug me as does little else besides Vader turning into Hayden Christiansen for no reason, authors who put on their profile that they don't accept criticism, or a purple haired lovebender seducing Zuko, preobably because I'm somewhat guilty of it at times myself.  But I didn't find the fics in question too fluffy.  There was fluff, yeah, but there was a lot of character developement leading up to that fluff to get the characters where they'd be realistic.

Or what about Twilight?  Do I only hate it because the cool kids do?  Is that worse than only liking it because the cool kids do?  (No, I hate it because IT WILL NOT LET ME HATE IT and Renesmee and Jacob as a ship has so many problems that I want to throw things.)   

Basically, am I now as focused on being a cynical internet nerd as much as I once was on being popular? 

So, well...

Twilight makes me feel bubbly against my will.
I listen to angsty teenage music in all seriousness.
I liked the prequel trilogy.
Also Mara Jade.
I write Mary Sues.  I don't share 'em, but I still write 'em.

(I swear, being sick has left me with nothing to write about than what I think.  Hopefully this will be better soon.)