Philosophy on Acceptance

[siamesa]

Note:  I keep coughing while writing, and as a result I cannot spell today.  Please forgive me- I will try to catch my errors.

I have a deep, dark secret.  And it is this:  there is a large part of my brain that is not satisfied being the school outcast/nerd.  There is a large part of my brain that still wants to wear Hollister and Hot Topic, have a large group of friends who I can laugh with, date a hot football player- be accepted.

I became a nerd as a last resort.

And, now, honestly, I love it.  I've found the freedom in not caring what people think about me, of reading Star Wars tie in novels while everyone else talks Gossip Girl, of being able to do whatever I want because I no longer have a reputation to damage.

And so, I generally manage to convince myself that I don't need the acceptance of others.

But then things like today happen.  I was surfing way back in the ffrants archive, and discovered someone saying that a series of fics I like were too fluffy.

And I immediate began to be filled with worry.

Was I no longer a true fan if I liked those stories?  Was i not cynical enough?  Was I not sitting with the cool kids?

Now, admittedly, overdramatic fluff in fics tends to bug me as does little else besides Vader turning into Hayden Christiansen for no reason, authors who put on their profile that they don't accept criticism, or a purple haired lovebender seducing Zuko, preobably because I'm somewhat guilty of it at times myself.  But I didn't find the fics in question too fluffy.  There was fluff, yeah, but there was a lot of character developement leading up to that fluff to get the characters where they'd be realistic.

Or what about Twilight?  Do I only hate it because the cool kids do?  Is that worse than only liking it because the cool kids do?  (No, I hate it because IT WILL NOT LET ME HATE IT and Renesmee and Jacob as a ship has so many problems that I want to throw things.)   

Basically, am I now as focused on being a cynical internet nerd as much as I once was on being popular? 

So, well...

Twilight makes me feel bubbly against my will.
I listen to angsty teenage music in all seriousness.
I liked the prequel trilogy.
Also Mara Jade.
I write Mary Sues.  I don't share 'em, but I still write 'em.

(I swear, being sick has left me with nothing to write about than what I think.  Hopefully this will be better soon.)

Comments

[albumsontheside.livejournal.com]

We all think like this at times, don't we?

I didn't become a nerd, I /am/ a nerd.

I hate Twilight because I think it's shit writing and a lack of plot.
I love the prequels.
I hate Mara Jade, but not just because of her character.

But sometimes ...

/Damn/, I feel like I'm the only one in school not giggling over Topshop clothes, or growing my hair (yes, the pink was a mistake, but it's faded to white now), or wearing oversized shades, or listening to R&B. I feel ... fucking ... out.

But, remember this, amiga: WE NERDS MUST STAND STRONG! :D :D

[siamesa.livejournal.com]

*IS STANDING STRONG*

(And, of course, if I tried to "fit in" at my current school, I'd get arrested/my dad would kill me within minutes. It's a bit... different... from my last one.)