Yet More Things Wrong With My Brain
Mar. 28th, 2009 08:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
siamesaWhy can I not be mean to people?
It's not that I want to be mean, per se. I dealt with enough people who never even considered the feelings of others for far too long. But surely not everyone is as hyper sensitive as I am?
Maybe, just maybe, I could manage to tell someone that "your fic makes my eyes bleed" or "please shut up about that teacher you hate already, I want to talk about my life now" or even "no, I'm not sorry?"
Just once?
Maybe?
Because I can't do that. Because there is a little factor in my brain that completely shuts down when I try to be not nice, with the result that people get two impressions of me:
"She never talks, does she?"
Or, when i snap as I do occasionally,
"Oh, Lord, I'm just going to run away now."
This is not a healthy state of being. Surely I can bring myself to realize that harsh words won't completely destroy someone's life. Just because I once came close to tears when someone (justifiably) insulted my writing awhile back doesn't mean that everyone else is that emotionally immature.
So yah know what?
YOU CAN'T SPELL YOUR OWN NAME. WHY WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU?
MAYBE I'M NOT PERFECT AT DOING EVERYTHING TO YOUR SPECIFICATIONS. NEITHER ARE YOU. I'M SORRY.
YOUR KINK IS NOT OKAY.
I AM NOT SOME LITTLE AMUSING GAME YOU CAN LAUGH AT WHEN SHE HIDES UNDER TABLES.
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T INSULT MY FRIENDS LOOKS WHEN YOUR ENTIRE FACE IS BASICALLY A GIANT PIMPLE.
Now, all of those were immature. I am, in fact, going to apologize now for saying them if you were offended. And I certainly don't want to shout them at everyone constantly.
But I'd like to be able to say them sometimes. Like when you deserve it.
It's not that I want to be mean, per se. I dealt with enough people who never even considered the feelings of others for far too long. But surely not everyone is as hyper sensitive as I am?
Maybe, just maybe, I could manage to tell someone that "your fic makes my eyes bleed" or "please shut up about that teacher you hate already, I want to talk about my life now" or even "no, I'm not sorry?"
Just once?
Maybe?
Because I can't do that. Because there is a little factor in my brain that completely shuts down when I try to be not nice, with the result that people get two impressions of me:
"She never talks, does she?"
Or, when i snap as I do occasionally,
"Oh, Lord, I'm just going to run away now."
This is not a healthy state of being. Surely I can bring myself to realize that harsh words won't completely destroy someone's life. Just because I once came close to tears when someone (justifiably) insulted my writing awhile back doesn't mean that everyone else is that emotionally immature.
So yah know what?
YOU CAN'T SPELL YOUR OWN NAME. WHY WOULD I WANT TO WORK WITH YOU?
MAYBE I'M NOT PERFECT AT DOING EVERYTHING TO YOUR SPECIFICATIONS. NEITHER ARE YOU. I'M SORRY.
YOUR KINK IS NOT OKAY.
I AM NOT SOME LITTLE AMUSING GAME YOU CAN LAUGH AT WHEN SHE HIDES UNDER TABLES.
YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T INSULT MY FRIENDS LOOKS WHEN YOUR ENTIRE FACE IS BASICALLY A GIANT PIMPLE.
Now, all of those were immature. I am, in fact, going to apologize now for saying them if you were offended. And I certainly don't want to shout them at everyone constantly.
But I'd like to be able to say them sometimes. Like when you deserve it.
