Life, Books, Cats

My cousins have new kittens again.  There are four of them.  A few hours ago, there were five.  The dog got one.  For no reason.  Just because it did.  It's not even a vicious dog.  It's a friendly dog, and a little one, and I spent a lot of time today before it killed the kitten hanging out with it and thinking that I admired it, because its managed to survive being a little dog out in big dog country for well nigh on a decade now.

The kitten was orange.  There were a gray, a black and gray, a tuxedo, and two oranges who slept together in a heap.  Now there is just one orange.  They are cute, and tiny, and their tails came to little points and I held them in my hands and I just don't get this.

It never got a chance to live.  It's eyes were barely open.  (And I use it's, with the apostrophe, because I want so badly to use a him or her pronoun but it was too little and they never found out which yet).

I could end this post with a long, drawn out thing on what I believe a soul is, but I won't because I don't really want to think right now.  I feel like I sometimes do after crying- like God is holding me in His hand.  And that kitten is in His other.  I know it is.

But it never got a chance to live. 

I knew it for a few hours.  I barely even held it.  It was a cat at my cousin's, and so I knew that it was doomed.

I miss it so much.

Fucking spay and neuter, by the way.  That's going to be my anger, because it's not fair to be furious at the dog.  Fucking spay and neuter.  And this isn't exactly relevant, but pit bulls aren't inherently evil.  Dogfighters are, as much as anyone is, but no one realy is inherently evil and...

Rest in Peace, kitten.

God bless.