siamesa: (Default)
2015-04-22 09:39 pm

Blog Six

 I sort of got the prompts for five and six mixed up, and I apologize.  Having already proposed a solution for a problem, I will now discuss problem solving in general: a solution I found for a difficult problem in a different context.

I've been playing Dungeons and Dragons regularly for almost a year now.  I played occasionally in highschool, but the group fell apart as our schedules became incompatible.  Now that I'm in college, scheduling has become a little easier, and my half-elf cleric is almost level eleven.  Problems are a lot easier to solve at level eleven, because I can literally raise the dead multiple times a day.

Things were a bit trickier early on.

Our party faced a nasty situation.  A fort had been overrun by demons.  All but a few of the soldiers there were dead, and the ones left wanted to abandon the place to its fate.  This was part of my personal quest; my party members agreed that I should be the one to decide whether to retreat or fight.

In short, I got to plan a battle. 

We were outnumbered, even after convincing the soldiers to fight with us.  We had no chance in a drawn out fight.  Instead, I decided to distract the demons with summoned creatures while the party brought all force to bear on their leader.  It wasn't a very complicated plan, but it was still tremendous fun to see it all come together.  
siamesa: (Default)
2015-03-24 07:20 pm

Blog Five: Diagnosis

Autism is generally viewed as a male disorder.  One of the first google suggestions for a search on women and autism, in fact, is "can girls develop autism:" showing two common misconceptions at once.  Portrayals of autism in media are overwhelmingly young and male.  Asperger's Syndrome, a disorder on the high-functioning end of the spectrum, is generally associated with internet trolls- an overwhelmingly young and male group who like to use the term as a synonym for "jerk on the internet."  

I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was nineteen.  I had been seeing psychologists for years for a variety of reasons, many of whom felt I had some sort of sensory disorder/developmental issue, but were reluctant to put an exact name to it because I don't fit all of the traditional criteria.  Even now, I tend to identify as "autistic spectrum" rather than "Asperger's."

Late diagnosis (or no diagnosis) is very common for women.  Girls on the spectrum often deal with society differently than boys, because society treats them differently.  Girls are more likely than boys to do what I did during elementary school- mimic their peers, and hide their difficulties.  Girls also may have different autism-related behaviors than boys- or be conditioned not to show those behaviors, such as repetitive movements, in front of others.  

More research into this is needed- and more education.  The way autism is diagnosed may need to be revamped.
siamesa: (Default)
2015-03-04 11:07 am

Blog Four: Feminism

 A post shows up on tumblr.  It's a troll account, delivering a simple message: I want to punch a feminist.

People respond.  The first is a muscular, shirtless man.  "I'm available," he says.  "Punch me."  Another large man soon follows, listing his military credentials.  Then another soldier, flexing her biceps: "If you want to punch a woman."

Debates erupt.  There's discussion of whether men are feminists, or allies.  This one turns ugly.  One poster screams a the others: "this is what gives feminists a bad name!"  Another poster points out that almost all the people on the post are white.

So, what is feminism?  Ask around, and you'll get different answers.  The simplest is that feminism is a movement that seeks equal rights for women.  But there have been waves of feminism, with different goals, facing different problems.  Feminism is an umbrella term for multiple movements, many of which disagree.  And other minority groups- particularly black and transgender women- are often shut out of mainstream feminism.  
siamesa: (Default)
2015-03-02 09:29 pm

Blog Three

 Part of the reason it's so important to study history is that history repeats itself.  Humans in groups tend to follow the same patterns of behavior, and the actions of our ancestors often look chillingly familiar.

Recently, I've been reading a great deal about the era known in America as the "Gilded Age," from the late 1800s up until World War One.  New technologies drove new industries, and put old ones out of business.  The gap between rich and poor was enormous, sparking class dissent and cries of "class warfare."  Immigration was hotly debated.  Politicians were corrupt.  The new threat of terrorism made even the biggest cities and most important people feel unsafe.

Of course, some things have improved since then.  Lynchings used to be public sport, with postcards sold and sent.  Now, when a young black man is murdered, people bend over backwards to find reasons race had nothing to do with it.  Sometimes justice is even served.  Women can vote now.  I am no longer in danger of being forcibly institutionalized and tortured to "cure" my mental illness.

But the politics of the era are interesting in other ways.  America then, a burgeoning economic superpower treated with some disdain by the traditional powers, and interested far more in profit than war (though not, as time would show, at all opposed to profiting from war) bears some resemblence to the role China plays on the international stage today.  And World War One- a war sparked by terrorism, a war everyone was convinced everyone else was too prudent to start- bears ominous parallels.

I'll leave with one more interesting fact.  During the period after Franz Ferdinand was assassinated, the French press paid little interest to the growing tensions across Europe.  Austro-Hungary and Serbia sold far fewer papers than the public's real interest- the trial of a notable socialite, who'd shot a newspaper editor for slandering her husband.
siamesa: (Default)
2015-02-05 09:54 am

Blog Two

 I recently saw a column in the Charlotte Observer discussing whether our society has become more violent than in the "good old days."  Such discussions always interest me.  Typically, the culprits blamed are violent media- action movies, video games, even sometimes the NFL.  In my opinion, however, those very escapist fantasies are among the reasons we are much less violent than our ancestors.

Last weekend, I was watching my beloved Davidson Wildcats lose an ugly one to St. Josephs.  Finally, in the closing minutes, watching shot after shot fall like a brick, I retreated upstairs.  "I'm going to go kill things," I informed my father.  

"In Guild Wars," I hastily corrected.

I logged in, pulled up my level twenty-one charr necromancer, Magda Silvereyes, and felt my frustration dissipate.  Of course, Guild Wars 2 is no God of War or Grand Theft Auto.  Magda fights mostly ghosts and monsters, with long range magic and without visible blood.  Even Aleen Nell, my level eighty, knife-wielding thief, doesn't dole out particularly realistic violence.  But the stress relief is there, satisfying something primal.

In Renaissance England (my primary era of historical study), people had different recourses.  Public executions drew the same boisterous, happy crowds as Shakespearian plays (not particularly Barney and Friends-esque themselves).  Just down from the Globe theater was an arena to watch bear-baiting.  And, of course, there were always good old-fashioned brawls.  Murder was omnipresent.  It was expected for a husband to beat his wife, and for parents to beat their children. 

It's a depressing thought, but maybe humans need violence.  And maybe watching Charles Johnson sack Matt Ryan is a healthier alternative than watching gladiators die.
siamesa: (Default)
2015-01-27 10:17 am
Entry tags:

Blog One

A satirical image from Feminist Frequency, featuring a 1915 quote from Alice Duer Miller on why men should not be allowed to vote.
Image source: Feminist Frequency (

I found this image and quote recently on tumblr.  I have always had an interest in vintage and historical satire, and this bit of it amused both me and a number of my followers.  The reblog was my most popular post of the week.  The quote from Alice Duer Miller was used to turn various anti-suffragist ideas on their heads.  Men argued that women were too emotional to vote, and that their proper sphere of influence, the home, was incompatible with political activism- or even political participation.  Miller used stereotypes of men- snarky references to rowdy  baseball games, and significantly darker references to the Great War sweeping across Europe and the Middle East- to show the ridiculousness of these shallow views of women.

When looking at historical satire, context is important.  The war references take on a darker light in 1915 than they would have a few years earlier.  A basic knowledge of the suffragist movement at this point is also helpful- women in the United States could vote on local elections in many Western states, and one woman had even served in Congress, but there was still no equal suffrage on a national level.  I also did some research of Alice Duer Miller, and discovered that she was a well-known poet, who wrote a newspaper column entitled "Are Women People?"

Turning stereotypes on their heads is still a common tactic in satire.  One segment on the Daily Show skewered racial profiling by sending a black reporter to one of the most crime infested areas of New York- Wall Street.  If these men didn't want to be viewed as corrupt, then perhaps they should stop being white and wearing nice suits.  Otherwise, law abiding citizens were perfectly justified being on their guard around them.  

For more information on Alice Duer Miller:
siamesa: (Default)
2012-12-03 06:08 pm

(no subject)

So, I was going to just write this and save it to my computer, or, worst case, inflict it upon my tumblr followers, or, even worse case, remember my LJ password, but then I realized something. I have a Dreamwidth.

So, yeah. Here follows a large amount of tl;dr self reflection on criticism.

Here's the deal.

As a creator, this is how I feel. Once you make something available for others to see, you should be willing to accept criticism. Sometimes that criticism is going to be shitty. That's life.  Sometimes that criticism is going to be flames.  That's not cool, but it's also a risk that comes with the job.  If you hike, you are going to have to deal with bear shit.  If you bike, you are going to have to deal with obnoxious drivers.  And if you write or draw, you are going to have to deal with flamers.

I have a hard time dealing with criticism.  It makes me feel shitty.  I have devoted a lot of time and effort into trying to fix this about myself, because I want to be a creator, and I want to get better, and that means I have to eventually face the fact that I am not perfect and not everyone likes everything I do.  And that is why, I think, it bugs me so tremendously when professionals and people I admire throw hissy fits when people dislike their stuff.  If I, someone whose major literary accomplisment is a years-old 20+ chapter Star Wars AU with 200 positive reviews on, could recognize this flaw in myself as a teenager, why can grown adults still not get it?

(And I am referring to grown adults here.  Tearing apart a 13 year old for going through her Mary Sue stage is shitty and indefensible, and she should not be criticized for reacting like a 13 year old.)
siamesa: (Default)
2012-06-01 12:11 pm
Entry tags:


Today is my birthday, and I made myself a tumblr.

Feel free to check it out!
siamesa: (Default)
2012-05-08 10:32 am
Entry tags:

Big Bang Fic Master Post

Title: Pieces of the Dream
Author: Siamesa
Word Count: ~16,500
Rating: T
Betas: Chira Wilder, offline friend Hugh.
Warnings: Violence, medical experimentation on minors, institutionalized racism and homophobia.
Pairings: Billy/Teddy, Cassie/Vision, hinted at Kate/Eli. Background Xavier/Magneto, Scott/Jean, Wanda/Vision.
Summary: "It was sometimes said that the government spent half its money trying to exterminate mutants, and the other half trying to create them." In a world where cold war simmers between the human nations and the mutants of Genosha, some people want peace, some want revenge, and two groups of teenagers just want answers.

siamesa: (Default)
2011-12-11 09:06 pm

Blast it.

Trying to put a preloader on Giant Guild Wars Game.  After an hour and a half, finally manage to restore game to it's previous condition after being terrified I had lost it forever.

Fairly sure I know what I did wrong, for once, but far, far too tired to fix it tonight.  I'll wait until the game's totally complete.
siamesa: (Default)
2011-11-23 08:22 pm
Entry tags:


Guild Wars: Mesmer: The Dress-up Game is coming along nicely- I'm around halfway done with the lineart for the clothes if not a bit further, and I've done all the hairstyles.  Tremendous fun.

Kidney hurts.  Worrisome.

I feel like I've made progress with the anxiety stuff thanks to the thing in Chapel Hill- not so much that I don't get anxious or panicky, but that I can work through it better.

Thanksgiving at granny's tomorrow.  Large number of extended relatives shoud be there.

Played "Overlord" DLC for Mass Effect, and wanted really, really badly to kill the scummy ablist scientist, but sadly this was not an option and I had to settle for Paragon!pistol whipping, which was a bit unlike my powers-reliant Shepard but still an excellent moment.  Do video games make me violent?  Unlikely.  I have been fantasizing about hitting scummy people with various weapons since a very early age, and have yet to purposefully act on those feelings.  (Did once hit my brother with a large stick, but that was by accident and I wasn't mad at him at the time).
siamesa: (Default)
2011-11-12 09:06 pm
Entry tags:

Lookitlookitlookit what I made!

I made a dressup game (if y'all are wondering why you haven't seen me, blame coding.  Lots and lots of coding)

It is for the Webcomic I Will Finish Someday and I am proud of it.  It is not amazing, but I am proud of it and of myself.

Hopefully I will be able to ride this high for a while, because tomorrow I leave for intensive therapy in Chapel Hill which I am nervous about, mostly because the doctor is a lot more confident than I am that he can fix me in a short amount of time.

siamesa: (Default)
2011-10-10 06:04 pm
Entry tags:

Writing And Stuff

I think I'm going to do a Big Bang.  I'm working on a fic that I want finished and I think I can do it.


Sign-ups aren't open just yet.  I will spend some time thinking.

But I'd like to do it.

(Also, mom, if you are reading this please call me)
siamesa: (Default)
2011-09-30 10:54 pm

Random Thoughts

Some are serious, some aren't.  Be forwarned that I have taken my nighttime meds and am perhaps not entirely in sound mind.

Writing!  Writing writing writing so much fun.  I have a Star Wars short thing almost done.  Do not actually know where I will post it as I have completly forgotten all my details, and also if I log in I will feel compelled to fix all the brokeness in Crashing In Time's formatting and I'm not sure I can do that.

I have come to the conclusion that the reason I adore Billy Kaplan is that he is essentially Luke Skywalker.

Please take the above conclusion with several grains of salt.

I have come to the less pleasant conclusion that Something Needs To Be Done about our justice system, and also that there's very little effect I, personally, can have on that situation.  This leads into various depressing thoughts about whether I can actually do anything with my life what with my inability to engage in meaningful social interaction without panic attack. Is my current goal really archaeology?  Is that feasible?  Can I do that, even, be a grad student and do the grunt work and travel to various locations and probably have to use public restrooms?  And even if I can, is it kind of selfish?

Also it is my twenty-five-billionth career goal this year alone, so, you know.

I like drawing almost as much as writing.  I am making interpretations of all the Guild Wars armors and when I get Flash for Christmas I will make dress up games.  I have been reading tutorials.

Didn't I write this long drawn out comparison between the Skywalker, Bat, Maximoff-etc, and Fire Nation Royal families?  I should find and post that sometime.

Someone a few rooms over is watching movies. 

And I should probably go to bed.
siamesa: (Default)
2011-09-28 08:22 pm
Entry tags:


Today I finished my timecards, came up with a new original universe, got Children's Crusade #7, and my Star Wars shirt seemed to actively attract boys.

A good day, overall.
siamesa: (Default)
2011-08-30 10:20 pm


There was an entire bleeping essay under LJ-cut in that last post that for some reason LJ deleted and I am going to scream
siamesa: (Default)
2011-08-29 05:35 pm


I'm grumpy right now.

I'm grumpy because Oracle's been rebooted.

I'm grumpy because I've been having panic attacks.

I'm grumpy because I burned my hand two days ago and now my teapot makes me nervous.

I'm grumpy because Bachmann just claimed the recent natural disasters were because God's mad at Obama.

I'm grumpy that apparently this is what it takes for women to be prominent politicians in this country, that women who think and care and aren't raving bigots get no attention.

I'm actually really, really grumpy about Oracle, and may make a seperate post.

I'm grumpy because my side hurts bad and I don't need a kidney stone right now, no I don't.

But I'm happy because I have tea, and the cafeteria served pasta and yummy bread, and Photoshop finally downloaded correctly, and while I don't know why God does things any more than certain presidential candidates do, I do know that He made these mountains and they make me happy.

So maybe I'm feeling pretty good.
siamesa: (Default)
2011-08-18 06:26 pm
Entry tags:

Reliable Internet Once Again!

I am at college!

Actual classes haven't started yet, nor has work crew, but still, I'm here by myself in my very own dorm room and have a finalized schedule.  One history class, one English (Classical theater), the freshman seminar (Archaeology!!), and, most exciting of all, Digital Imaging.  I always love getting school credit for getting better at something I do anyway.

Warren Wilson is a wonderful place.  They grow a lot of their own food and have a working farm including two horses (not for riding, sadly, just for plowing) (their names are Dan and Doc and I love them already because watching them helps me get less panicky) and people are friendly and supportive.

I have only had one serious panic attack and one classroom nervous thing, which is significantly better than I expected.  Also, we have decorated my dorm room (single room) and filled my bed with many pillows.

My building is the only dorm with air conditioning, but sadly has no wireless, so we have purchased an extra long drop cord and a tiny!laptop for bed reading.  I am quite fond of it, though it is very poor for typing.

siamesa: (Default)
2011-07-26 12:37 pm

Still somewhat out of reach

 We've been up at the cabin most of the last few weeks, so not much in the way of internet.  I'll try to catch up with y'all as soon as I can, but right now I'm just in the library for a few minutes.

-Got myself psyched up to take my driver's test only to discover the office is closed on Tuesdays.
-Have broken up with DC, am having attachment-less one night stand with Marvel.
-College in three weeks!  So nervous.
-Won Mass Effect, 2/3rds of way through Mass Effect 2.  Romancing Garrus.

That's about it for now.  Hopefully talk to every one soon.